SHARE

*lagi-lagi, ini adalah kumpulan tweet gue yang dikasih hashtag #PecahDiUbud yang sudah diedit dan ditambahi ini itu. ENJOY!*

I remember when you held my hand and whispered in my ear ‘I love you. Be mine.’ It was the best dream of my life. The 8 letters were never came out of my mouth. If only you knew how I wanted to say ‘I love you..” But … I choose to stay silent because I just can’t bear the thought and can’t afford of losing you and our friendship.

I should have known the idea of you love me back is a false hope. Yet I kept on hoping. And pretending. I almost love how we’re holding back and never show our feelings and pretend that we’re just a couple strangers. I almost love that. Almost. And that awesome effort I put  to hide my feeling so I can see you everyday. Is it worth it? For now that’s all I have. So the answer is yes.

This unrequited love is fun. I smile and enjoy every second of the pain when we’re laying side by side. But … Why do I have to ruin something so perfect with fall in love? Why do i have this urge to make you mine? Why?

Do you know that every night i pray to God to make me stop loving you, dear best friend? When you hugged me and said ‘i’m your best friend’ i wanted to scream ‘our friendship is torturing me!’  You laughed the happy laugh. I laughed the bitter one. A laugh that didn’t even reach my eyes. And it’s .. okay.

Then this stupid question popped out of nowhere: If we’re never meant to be, then why did we have to meet at all?

I wish we could look at each other’ eyes and not look away. I wish Cupid would tear off his arrow from my heart.

Why can’t our friendship turns into something sweeter like … love relationship? This is a rhetorical question, so don’t answer it. The answer won’t do me any good. You know what would be a perfectly good day for me? The time I get to call you my lover. I don’t have the gut to say it out loud, and right now you don’t need to know, you are the perfect lover of my heart.

There’s lie in believe. I guess by now you know i lied when i said i don’t believe in love and i don’t love you. I was blinded by the sun. I thought we were having fun. And I thought someday you would realize, you are the one.

I miss the time when we were still friends before i perfectly ruined it by saying things i should not have said.  At least, I love you. At least, I have the courage to say it to you. Even though you ran. And gone. I’m sorry.

There is no ‘I’ in love. But there’s ‘i’ in live. And I will live. Even in loneliness. And watching you from afar.

John Mayer was right. I had to choose between friends, lovers, or nothing. It was nothing after i said “i love you.”

Usually, I don’t let words hurt my feeling. That night, you came and stabbed me with your goodbye. When my expectation did not meet the reality, all I can do is walking away. Shattered.