Unrequited Love

*lagi-lagi, ini adalah kumpulan tweet gue yang dikasih hashtag #PecahDiUbud yang sudah diedit dan ditambahi ini itu. ENJOY!*

I remember when you held my hand and whispered in my ear ‘I love you. Be mine.’ It was the best dream of my life. The 8 letters were never came out of my mouth. If only you knew how I wanted to say ‘I love you..” But … I choose to stay silent because I just can’t bear the thought and can’t afford of losing you and our friendship.

I should have known the idea of you love me back is a false hope. Yet I kept on hoping. And pretending. I almost love how we’re holding back and never show our feelings and pretend that we’re just a couple strangers. I almost love that. Almost. And that awesome effort I put  to hide my feeling so I can see you everyday. Is it worth it? For now that’s all I have. So the answer is yes.

This unrequited love is fun. I smile and enjoy every second of the pain when we’re laying side by side. But … Why do I have to ruin something so perfect with fall in love? Why do i have this urge to make you mine? Why?

Do you know that every night i pray to God to make me stop loving you, dear best friend? When you hugged me and said ‘i’m your best friend’ i wanted to scream ‘our friendship is torturing me!’  You laughed the happy laugh. I laughed the bitter one. A laugh that didn’t even reach my eyes. And it’s .. okay.

Then this stupid question popped out of nowhere: If we’re never meant to be, then why did we have to meet at all?

I wish we could look at each other’ eyes and not look away. I wish Cupid would tear off his arrow from my heart.

Why can’t our friendship turns into something sweeter like … love relationship? This is a rhetorical question, so don’t answer it. The answer won’t do me any good. You know what would be a perfectly good day for me? The time I get to call you my lover. I don’t have the gut to say it out loud, and right now you don’t need to know, you are the perfect lover of my heart.

There’s lie in believe. I guess by now you know i lied when i said i don’t believe in love and i don’t love you. I was blinded by the sun. I thought we were having fun. And I thought someday you would realize, you are the one.

I miss the time when we were still friends before i perfectly ruined it by saying things i should not have said.  At least, I love you. At least, I have the courage to say it to you. Even though you ran. And gone. I’m sorry.

There is no ‘I’ in love. But there’s ‘i’ in live. And I will live. Even in loneliness. And watching you from afar.

John Mayer was right. I had to choose between friends, lovers, or nothing. It was nothing after i said “i love you.”

Usually, I don’t let words hurt my feeling. That night, you came and stabbed me with your goodbye. When my expectation did not meet the reality, all I can do is walking away. Shattered.




18 responses to “Unrequited Love”

  1. ini seperti cerita dia yang mencintai perempuan itu, perempuan itu yang sahabatnya, dan saya hanya orang yang bukan siapa-siapa dan tidak ada dalam cerita ini :’)

  2. yes, now, i am nothing after i said “i love you”, and being thankfull to God that gave me a chance to love someone (my bestfriend ever) even bitter…

  3. I once hurt my best friend when he confess about this, love. It’s just awkward between us after that, I’m not intended to ran away, it’s just sort of..happened.

  4. If we’re never meant to be, then why did we have to meet at all?
    i feel this, right here right now..:(

  5. Dulu pernah baca ini waktu baru ditulis..dan cuma bisa bilang ‘well, keren sih ya..’
    Kemudian tiba-tiba gue baca ini lagi, sekarang. Dan menyadari, gue mengalami hal yang sama dengan apa yang lo tulis. Sial banget. Tapi, tetap keren sih :|

  6. This what exactly happens to me. Dicurhatin sahabat dari putus sama pacarnya, sampai dia deketin cewek lain dan bukan gue. haha that was awkward tho

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